Types of UFOs and how to identify them

pace.com has a compilation of the Pentagon’s videos of so-called unidentified aerial / anomalous phenomena released last week, so I thought now is a good time to release some of my own UFO pictures to show the different types.

• Model A: The Blue Light Special
Fig. 1 is an image of one of those blue UAPs known as Blue Light Specials or BLSs. Unlike NASA’s, this one at least is informative: it’s telling us the time is 6:26 am. It’s a warning to humanity: time is running out before this great deal expires, and also stop taking pictures of us through your window when you have a clock inside.

• Model B: The Eight-pointed Star
That 8-pointed “star” the tabloid press is so excited about is obviously 2-dimensional, so it’s not an object at all. Most likely it’s a computer-generated reticle added to track and measure whatever was being photo­graphed. Or it could be something simple like the lens having been struck by a baseball bat. Whatever is in the image seems to be emitting a vapor trail, but the object itself is obscured. (Fig. 2)

• Model C: The Flapping White Dot
This type of UAP resembles a white dot flying irregularly, as if making repetitive flapping movements to stay aloft. In the Pentagon’s infrared videos, they have trails behind them that look like faint jet exhaust trails. The trail is actually warm turbulent air heated by the bird . . I mean UAP . . . which would show up clearly as a white trail in the thermal infrared. The UAPs look harmless. Just don’t stand under­neath one and don’t let it eat your ice cream cone.

In one video, the white dot flies behind a small windmill. If the windmill is 100 feet tall, we can estimate that the alien spaceship must be about 1.87 feet long. Any aliens inside would have to be smaller. If we take the ratio as the same as between a Cessna 172 (27 feet) and the pilot (6 feet), the aliens would have to be at most 4.987 inches tall. If the ratio is closer to the relative size of a 747 and a human, they must be about 0.58 inches tall. (This assumes the windmills in the image are at a 28 degree angle from the camera.)

The aliens could be much smaller: it’s always been my contention that the characters in Star Wars are actually one millionth of an inch tall. This would explain how they can they can cross a galaxy so quickly: the ‘galaxy’ is actually a bathtub clog and they’re using quantum tunneling to get around. The same is true in many other movies, like Lord of the Rings, where plants and animals appear abnormally large.

• Model D: The Two White Dots That Jump Around
Just the other day I observed a UAP flying overhead with two white lights on the wingtips, identical to the one in the Pentagon video. It was accompanied by a faint roaring sound. It’s actually a little disturbing that the Pentagon, which owns a lot of airplanes, can’t identify them.

If a video shows a dot jumping around as if it’s making sudden movements, it’s because the the photographer forget to buy a tripod. If the background moves along with the white dot (as happens in many of the Pentagon videos), or if there is no background visible, that means it’s the camera, not the object, moving around. Fig. 3 shows a short clip of another UAP jumping at amazing speed. This one bore a striking resemblance to the star Vega, aka alpha Lyrae in the constel­lation of Lyra. It’s amazing how fast those babies can move. Since Vega is 25 light-years away, it must be going much faster than the speed of light.

• Model E: The Blinking Red Dot
Infrared photos often show blinking UAPs. In visible light some appear reddish. They were first observed in Rendlesham, UK. There are dozens of them seen hovering above most cities along the horizon at night. They emit strange radio signals—like announce­ments of some­thing big happening on Sunday, Sunday, or Sunday.

• Model F: The angels descending from Heaven
Another type is the UAP that suddenly drops out of the clouds, heralded by a dazzling white light. Up close, these angels vaguely resemble Boeing 757s. This one suddenly appeared before me—okay, three miles away—then appeared to hover for a minute as it slowly turned and descended to Earth at an angle of about three degrees. Pffff, I’d like to see an ‘airplane’ do that! (Fig. 4)

And lo, the angel revealed its name unto me on my radio. It called itself “Fedex fifteen forty-two.”

• Fleets of UFOs
Most ‘fleets’ are flocks of Model C (White Dot) UAPs. One night five big National Guard jets flew overhead near my residence, waking me up. They flew at a bank angle of 90 degrees, then turned around and flew toward the nearby airport. With their array of six to eight lights evenly spaced along the wing, each one looked exactly like those pictures of “UFO fleets” in precise formation over Arizona, only much more impressive. They flew a considerable distance while banked, which I always thought was impossible. All I could make out on Tower were the words ‘rescue’ and ‘touch and go.’ Then they flew back in unison toward the east. An absolutely amazing bit of airmanship. No outer space alien could ever fly this well; they’d probably crash in the desert somewhere if they tried.

What does this tell us about extraterrestrials

From the above analysis, assuming they are really extraterrestrials, we can deduce that the aliens are between 0.58 and 5 inches tall, work at a Space K-Mart, often fly in pairs or large groups, and conceal their spaceships behind giant Christmas tree decorations.

Earlier models, including The Blurry White Dot, The Blurry Freudian Cigar-Shaped Thing, and The Blurry Fake-Looking Dish, seem to have been abandoned. One possibility is that Blurriness Technology makes the inside as blurry as the outside so the aliens can no longer read their altimeter.

may 16 2026, 4:33 am

 

 

3 Vega (alpha Lyrae) in the constellation Lyra shot with a 50 mm lens showing impossible course changes (click to start video)

 

4 Unidentified angel-like Model F aerial phenomenon descending from the heavens at an angle of three degrees, partially obscured by trees