teve Sun-Tzu, a distant relative of the great Chinese military theorist Sun-Tzu,
was the author of many books including The Art Of War On A Budget: Seven
Tips From The Greatest Wars of All Time and The Seven Secrets
That Will Make Your The Art Of War Look Amazing!
Not this guy
These works didn't sell too well, perhaps because their titles were generated by a computer at the Tweak-Your-Biz website. Yet they contain much wisdom, and his sayings, once lost to history, have recently been rediscovered. Here are a few of them.
The importance of politics
“Politics is a matter of vital importance to the state. So if you're a
politician, stay the hell out of it!”
On convincing voters
“To confuse the enemy, pretend to be stupid, then suddenly say something
smart.”
On blaming Israel
“To curry favor with the greens, plant a few trees. But take care about
what species you plant, lest your opponents blame your failures on the ju-nipers.”
On fighting terrorism
“Pretend to be a cheese-eating surrender monkey, then when they come out
thinking it's safe, clobber them.”
On policy
“If your opponent is a great debater, talk about his enemies.
If your opponent is a woman, boast about the size of your penis.
If you know nothing about anything, boast about how you are in
touch with the people.”
On choosing a running mate
“Your running mate must be someone that everyone already despises. If
you win, your running mate is insurance against impeachment. If you lose, blame
your running mate for your defeat.”
On being blamed
“In science the most important thing is to avoid being wrong.
In religion the most important thing is to avoid committing a sin.
In politics the most important thing is to prevent people from finding
out what you really stand for.”
On the real Sun-Tzu
“Do not make up too many fake Sun-Tzu quotes. There is really not much
material to work with. But Clausewitz is a frickin' gold mine.”
Category: Fake Sun-Tzu quotes
